How to Give an Erotic Massage

Valentines Day is coming up and I'm sure many of you are looking for something special for your significant other. An erotic massage is very popular for making things romantic and help to make the day special, but to make it extra enjoyable, it needs to be done right. Follow these tips below and you surely cannot go wrong!


An erotic massage can be a perfect way for couples to relax and connect with one another. An erotic massage is much more personal than a regular shoulder rub and can be great for couples who want a bit more intimacy with each other, besides actual sex. These days, lifestyles are much more hectic and stressful, and stress is one of the biggest factors for low libido. A massage is great to unwind, relax and help both of you ease into the mood for sex together.

Believe it or not, there are actually over 160 different types of massage, so it is a little wonder that some people don’t have a clue where to start! But whether you give a 5 minute shoulder rub, or a full head to toe massage, doing it right can bring in all sorts of rewards in your relationship, including not only a better sex life, but being closer physically and emotionally with each other.

Before Giving a Massage

To gain the best results from a massage, you should first set the mood so that you and your partner will be comfortable. Make sure the room you are in is warm as your partner will likely be at least semi-naked for the massage. But don’t make it a sauna so you are both sweating.

Be sure your hands are warm! This is pretty important. Not many people like cold hands on their back and cold hands will likely make your partner’s muscles tense up more. So warm your hands by washing them in warm water before hand, or whatever else helps to warm them up. Also, if you have long fingernails, it may be a good idea to trim or file them smooth.

Soften the lights in the room to make for a more relaxing setting. You can use candles for light, but make sure that there is nothing at risk of catching fire from nearby flames and be aware that some massage oils are very flammable. I suggest using dim lamps or coloured low watt bulbs rather than candles for a soft light, as you need quite a few candles to fully light up a dark room to be able to see what you are doing.

But some candles in the room are great for creating the mood. You can use regular candles, or scented candles. Aromatherapy is very popular and widely associated with massage, but overwhelming the room with perfumes can have an adverse affect. If you choose to use scented candles in the room, make sure that the scent won’t clash with the scent of the massage oil, or massage candles if you plan to use them. Some people like to use incense sticks, but I personally don’t like incense sticks for setting a sensual mood. They give off a very thick, smoky scent that I think is far too heavy for use during a massage. Also, the smoke can be too much for one room and can leave your eyes feeling irritated and your nose clogged up with overpowering scent. And any other perfumes from oils or candles are overridden by the incense.

Getting Comfortable

Have your partner take off his upper body clothing and lie down on the bed (or where ever you are giving the massage) and be sure that he is comfortable. Give him a pillow or two to rest his head and arms on if it helps. A pillow under the breastbone can also make things more comfortable.

One of the key differences between an erotic massage and a regular massage is the physical and emotional bonding that occurs from helping your partner unwind and relax and being close to each other. Find a position for yourself where you are both comfortable and also enough room to manoeuvre and be able to give a decent massage on his shoulders and back. Kneeling with your legs on either side of him is often the most ‘erotic’ position as he will be very aware of the heat and touch from between your legs. Be very sure that when in this position, you are not putting any pressure on to his back or spine.

You can choose to stand over him, if this is easier. Instead of standing at his side, you can stand with his head in front of you, subtly boosting his sexual appetite during the process. Another option is to kneel on the bed behind him, with your knees between his legs, as you lean forward to massage his shoulders and back.

Find the most comfortable position for both of you before you begin, and try to avoid moving around and changing your place during the massage as this can break the mood.

Clothes. On or Off?

You don’t need to have your partner take his clothes off – But it helps! He may take all his clothes off, if he wishes, or just leave underwear on, or just have his shirt off. It is entirely up to you and him. For a really erotic massage, you may choose to take some or all of your clothing off too. He will be facing away from you, but any soft touches during the massage, like brushing your nipples against him or feeling the heat from between your legs, will make him more sexually aware and may help to boost his libido even more after a stressful day! If you don’t want to take your clothes off, lingerie is not just for looking at. Many are made from soft fabrics like satin, which feels beautifully soft and silky when trailed or brushed over the skin, whether accidently or purposefully.

How to Massage

A massage is meant to be pleasurable, so make sure that while you are being reasonably firm when kneading muscles, you aren’t pressing too hard or digging your fingers in to the skin.

Start by putting a little massage oil, lotion or lubricant on to the palms of your hands and rub together to warm it up to skin temperature. You will find that massage oil may feel slightly warmer to you than your own temperature. This is what makes massage oil so useful. With your hands flat and palms down, apply the oil by giving 2 or 3 long strokes, without pressing too hard, down on both sides of the back, beginning from the top of the shoulder blade and ending just above the buttocks.

Don’t slather too much oil on, just enough to keep things slippery. You can always re-apply if you need it.

The palms of your hands are the most important things to use for a massage. Relax your fingers, and use the ‘heels’ of your hands for kneading the large areas of muscle and keep from pressing too hard.

Use your thumbs to make small circular motions in small areas for those parts that feel knotted and tight. This is particularly good for tense areas on the shoulder blades.

The ‘Karate Chop’ motion on the lower back should be completely avoided during a sensual massage. A better way is to place one hand on top of the other, palms down, and use small circular motions or press the palm gently towards the spine from the muscular area on the side of the back.

You don’t have to give a deep massage. Feathery light touches (being careful not to tickle your partner too much which will cause tensing) can be just as enjoyable. Tracing your fingertips down the contours of his back or lightly stroking his hair can help to relax and can be more playful than concentrated kneading and rubbing.

It is important to remember never to massage the neck. This can cause all sorts of problems and cause extra aches and pains if you don’t know what you are doing. Most neck aches and pains stem from the shoulder muscles, so keep to the shoulder blade area and don’t massage any further up than the base of the neck at the back and avoid massaging the top and the front of the shoulders.

The rest is really down to you. Get to know your partner's body with your hands and soon the massaging will come easily to you.

Please check out my other post, What to use for an Erotic Massage, for more tips and ideas to give your lover a treat they will never forget!